Do Not Kill the Apple Tree

2:52 p.m.

Note: This was the time around the fourth anniversary of our son’s shift. Just a few days prior, my husband and I learned how we were lied to by a spiritual leader of a community. We were devastated. Heartbroken. We felt that in our most painful and crucial time, we were manipulated and played.

Both of us were disgusted. However, if my husband was able to make his mind and not to think about it any longer, for me, it became an absolutely deeply felt event. I have to admit. It crushed me.

Maybe because I always kept a more “naive” approach about spiritual leaders. I wanted to believe that they are living according to higher moral standards than the rest of us. Anyway, below is the conversation that is addressing this issue. After this incident, we stopped coming to that community or any spiritual community altogether. We were done.     


My dearest mommy, I am quiet because you are in pain.  I am quiet because this is not a time for talking. I am quiet because higher levels of energy are involved, and I made this space available for them to reach you.

Yes, person x lied to you—to all of you, but now it is all in the open. Yes, he was cruel and detached, but you are moving again and looking and searching again.  It means that you are living your life, fighting for what is right, and walking away from what is wrong.

Your heart is full of emotions meaning you are alive and you care and you can feel again. It means you did not become numb or apathetic.  You have transformed into a new you with a fully functioning soul and heart and connection that are strong and healthy.

The conflict about G-d, religion and those who say they are in service is as old as the world. Lack of empathy and ethics touches humanity in every vocation, occupation, and trade. We have doctors who are butchers, bankers who are crooks, and teachers who teach the subject they don’t believe in or don’t care for. We have priests molesting children and Rabbis’ that lie. Do you want to talk about politicians?

Nothing is new under the sun. Nothing is new for humanity. Corruption. Corruption. Corruption.

However when it happens to you or to us, it becomes personal. It is a vivid, new, and painful experience. So what?

I trust that you will be able to sort things out and push the bad apples away from you. How many bad apples are out there?  In a world of religion only G-d knows. Not for you to count.

However the apple tree is beautiful.  Our only hope is that you will not kill the apple tree because the apples got bad.

A new season will come and new crops will be born.

Maybe one day you’ll be one of those apples too. So take the apples and make apple vinegar or cider and preserve the apple tree.

Of course the residue of this experience will stay with you forever. We shall remember, but we too shall forgive and release it to the higher court and move forward.

Don’t get stuck more than needed. Don’t invest your time and energy in where it’s cold and empty.

You did what you could and now walk away. Let that be another lesson and another test for you. Trust that divine providence will take care of that.

The high court is always in session. The tears are counted and the damage is measured. There is no corruption here. Trust that mom. Trust that and keep working.

I love you,

Your son.


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