What Is Real? Is It a Fantasy?

Note: What some people may not understand and not know is that when we are dealing with what Life is presenting us with, very often it does not mean one thing only. The “one thing at a time” concept does not work here.

Just because our children are taken from us did not make us immune to other terrible, challenging, devastating, and very painful events.

Some of us have to go to courts and relive everything over and over again. Others are faced with very fast-declining financial situations. Some of us experience both. Some of us have terminal illness in the family on top of what just took place. Every journey is different. Every story is different. Yet we share something in common.

The life that we knew before is no more . . . After that . . . one event leads to another and to another. The ball keeps rolling. It will stop at some point, but we never know when and where.

The tragic situation brings new challenges with health, finances, work, and relationships. Many families are breaking down and not able to move forward. Many of us can’t work anymore on the same jobs or period. Many lose their work. Our health suffers. Everything suffers.

I was not an exception. Without going into the details of my personal life here, as my focus is just to stay in the messages themselves, and maybe later in the book to focus more on my inner process, I can say the following:

One of the reasons I think I was having so much visions and so much communication was due to the severity of my—our—situation. I can confidently say now that it was proportional to the darkness I was facing.

At that time, I don’t think I was even able to hear what was said to me. No, I know that I could not. That is why I was asked over and over again to write everything down.

That is why similar messages were repeated over and over again till they were instilled into my mind to grow later on. The communication in this particular journal entry and the previous one, one more time shows the variety of energy and assistance that we can have.

Some of energies were visiting me only once, some were showing up numerous times, such as Divine Mother. Therefore, I am deeply confident that if you will make yourself open up for receiving help and will be staying in a listening mode, then help will come to you . . . for sure . . . and you will be assisted. I trust that. I know that.


8:25 a.m.

Our dear one, till you and your son sort out your relationship, we’ve decided to take it upon ourselves the responsibility of speaking to you. We did not want to leave you alone, and we wish to create a cocoon of love and support around you.

If you are wondering who we are, we are a collective energy called “US” who loves and safeguards you. We are the collective voice of your family, your protectors, and your community. We hope that we will become a spring of your strength.

We are all fully aware that there are very complicated decisions laid in front of you. In the meantime, we cannot make those decisions for you, but we want you to try to feel our love and know that you’re not alone. So today, we would like to ask you, “How are you?”

Note (short version of my response to them):

I don’t know. Everything is empty inside. I tremendously miss my son. It’s already been two months without kisses, laughter, practical jokes, and everything else we had together. It feels to me that I can hear his voice, but I’m not sure. Is it my thoughts, my brain, my fantasy, or is it really him? Something inside of me questioned all this and did not allow me to go to the alternate reality a hundred percent. Even with you right now, I’m not sure if it is you or if you are my fantasy.

Our dearest, we understand you very well. All humanity struggles with these questions. What is reality, and what is an illusion?

The point is, our dearest, that it is a choice. That is a choice for you and rest of humanity.

The voice of reason, who does it belong to? The voice of conversation suggests that those who have left Earth might be right here with us and had never left.

Just like you, just because you are not performing religious rituals does not mean that your soul does not belong to its source. Life on Earth is just rituals.

Life in the cosmos and Universe is soul-based. Just because you do not hug your son every day does not mean he is not next to you. He is not physical anymore; he is esoteric, but so are Divine Knowledge and the Bible.

We have the physical forms but also the esoteric forms.

And in Heaven, the Old Testimony of the Bible is different than on Earth, but it is here and you have it. In fact, the Old Testimony was here before it was given to humans.

Divine Knowledge was present on Earth far before it was made tangible for humans. To say and think your son is gone is the same as thinking that there is no Divine Knowledge present in the realm of truth.

All those religious rituals are here to help humans become more grounded and to keep them busy with something that will help direct their energy in the right direction, the right direction being Divine Providence.

Without those rituals, they would not be able to be guided step by step. Nonetheless, the real truth is not easy to see or feel. It is hidden. It is hidden, as is the face of G-d.

And yes, you cannot kiss or hug him the same way as before. And yes, he no longer needs clean laundry or freshly cooked meals. That is all true. However, he never left you. He never departed from you. He is always around you. He loves and cares for you. And he needs you much more than before.

He needs your trust; he needs your love. He needs you to accept his new form and life. He needs his mommy in a totally new way. And he really needs your communication with him.

Do you remember what you said to your children when you said you did not want them to see you as their servant who just did their laundry? You wanted a different relationship as well. You wanted to consult and talk with them. Well, this is your chance.

Yes, it did not happen the way you envisioned, but still, here it is. This is your opportunity to have something special, unique, rare, yet really real.

So take your time, think and talk about it. There’s a lot to swallow—we know this. Now you must know the following:

• We love you and you’re not alone; you have a family.
• You have a community, and you’re watched 24/7.
• You are listened 24/7, and you are in our prayers.
• You also have many angels that are watching you.

We sincerely hope that at some point you will start to feel the love all around you and the support that is given to you. Many love you on Earth, and many more love you from Heaven. Go with your day. We bless you and your steps. We will be in communication shortly.

4:07 p.m.

I am the voice from above, and I am laughing with you.
I was sent to keep you company.
I understand that you had a dispute with your son.
That is not done. So I am the voice from above coming to talk to you.
They say you lost trust. They say you are confused. They say you do not know the difference between fantasy and truth. They say you need assistance. They say you are in grief and pain. They say you need a companion for nurturance. A friend . . . someone with ears. So I’m here to nurture and to help.

We did not talk with you yet, and I do not claim to be G-d or an angel. I am just a Voice—a Voice of reason and a Voice of Help and a Voice that listens, heals, and sins. So tell me, what is the deal? What is the issue? Where is the dispute?

Note (short version of my response):

I don’t know anymore: where is my fantasy and where is the authentic voice that belongs to whom it says it belongs? If the voice says I am your son or I am your mother or I am your G-d, how do I know it is not in my mind? How do I know it is not my fantasy or illusion? How do I know for sure that “they” are who “they” say they are? How do I know it’s not me talking to myself? How do I know I am not making all this up? And yes, I am in pain, and yes, I’m confused. And yes, I do not know where is the fantasy and where is the truth.

Oh my sweet spirit, my daughter, can I call you that? My child, perhaps?

I see the dilemma, not a simple one, I say. The fantasy is short lived. The truth is long lived.

The fantasy can go poof, because it is an illusion, an empty spot. The truth is nerve racking and tear shattering, but it also creates laughter.

If what you hear touches your heart or soul or helps you to heal, breathe, move, or stay on Earth, then I will say that you heard the truth. But if what you hear is just the sound, no feelings involved, or if it is just a nice picture with no meaning to hold, just an empty sound with no offers for acceptance or an empty voice with no help or guidance, then I would say that it is a fantasy.

The fantasy has no depth, no drive to protect, heal, or help. Fantasy is just a work of an empty mind. An empty mind is one which has been burnt, detonated, and is not searching how to serve and cope. This is all that I have to say.

6:00 p.m.

Note (short version of my conversation with Universe that evening):

I am in horrible pain and suffering. I have no idea what to do with this pain. I don’t know how much more suffering and pain my soul can tolerate. I’m asking you, my G-d, take me home.

Allow me to be next to my son. I need you to hear me. I need you to see my pain. I need you to see that my pain is like a saw cutting my heart in half; see the blood dripping onto the soil. What is all this? Is it a betrayal? A lie?

How could it be that my son will not come home? Who can survive this pain and walk through all this?

I only have one wish. I only want to close my eyes and never open them again. I’m asking you, just take me home. Take me home and release me from this agony. 

My daughter, I am here with you and I’m listening, and no, I cannot take you with me.

It is not your time or place, and you are not finished with your duties. There is no easy escape or easy journey. You asked to be of service, and you have been chosen.

Whether or not you accept the task, it is your choice. We will wait for you to think and heal, but soon we will need an answer. Take your time to get well, clean your house, and clean your thoughts.

Know that we love you. Not much to say today; relax and be at peace. Your son is here with me.

He’s fine. He’s waiting to talk to you.

Listen to everything we said,
Read what was written,
Behold the source of light the source of love.
We are here with you, protecting you.

Breathe calmly, breathe deeply.
Connect to the source of life
To the breath of G-d.

Come back to me
Call me upon your needs.
You are watched by us,
Breathe. We are here.

—A Mother (visit #9)

6:58 p.m.

My dear mommy, I am here. I did not go anywhere.

Yes, let’s talk. I love you very much, and I am not going to leave you.

I am with you. I am always with you. I am only asking you to stop thinking about the day I stopped coming back.

You did everything right that day, and I know that you loved me. This is it, Mommy.

I know you love me very much, so please stop torturing yourself.

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